bri xy

New Rules of the Sports Legacy

Wed, 30 Jun 2010 15:41:00 -0400

I have a confession to make. It’s unbecoming of a member of the non-violent and pro-feminist cohort of readers of bri xy, I realize, but here goes: I partake, almost daily, in the sports bickering.

The sports bickering (for the blissfully uninitiated among you) refers of course to the ever-expanding array of TV programs that feature, essentially, a handful of guys arguing about sports news. These programs range from the prototype “Pardon the Interruption,” where two sports writers playfully deride each other, to “Around the Horn,” which always closes with the crowning of a champion, the day’s superlative bickerer. Now when I say that I “partake,” I do not mean that I am a sports bickerer myself. Instead I join millions of others across the country to watch these shows at least a couple times per week. Indeed this bickering has become the primary vehicle by which sports news hits sports fans’ ears in the 21^st century.

To the extent that the sports bickering exemplifies an excessively impatient, arrogant masculinity enveloping yet another arena of popular culture, I accept your scorn, my fellow men-rethinking-manhood. To be sure, these shows often reward insults, generalizations, and one-upmanship (all of it interspersed with misogynist commercials for the-deodorant-that-shall-not-be-named). As with the world of sports writ large, there’s plenty to dislike about the sports bickering.

But I’ve set a more difficult task for myself today: convincing you that even in this most unlikely of masculine terrains, glimpses of progress are appearing more and more often.

Take the sports bickerers’ favorite topic, for instance: Legacy. Sports bickerers love the idea of legacy. On any slow news day, it is nearly certain that the bickering will include a question such as, “How does [achievement or underachievement] affect [famous player]’s legacy?” or “Is [player] an all-time great?”

There are rules to the sports legacy, as enacted and reinforced every time the shows address these questions. All the rules are variations on the ultimate rule (Win. A lot.) but together they represent a landscape that may be showing signs of wear. The Old Rules of Sports Legacy include:

Greatness is measured in championship rings, a.k.a. Whatever you do in the regular season is meaningless – legacies are made in “the big game”;

Rewards go to those who do the most (or most in a row) of something; and

The greatest players and teams have “swagger” – they know they’re going to win.

Don’t get me wrong: these rules remain the pillars of the sports bickerers’ metanarrative. But new cracks are showing, and in very timely fashion.

As youth summer athletics begin across the country and the championship series for two major U.S. professional sports are underway, the conditions should be perfect for further entrenchment of the arrogant, aggressive, win-at-all-costs rules of sports legacy. After they come home from the latest little league game or soccer match, our children can watch basketball stars Kobe Bryant (who has admitted to a non-consensual sexual encounter with a 19-year-old in 2003) and Ron Artest (who was convicted of assaulting a fan in a 2004 brawl) compete for another championship ring. Flip the channel and they’ll see two top hockey teams take to the ice in the Stanley Cup finals to fight (in this sport, often literally) for their slice of legacy.

Yet during this of all weeks, I’ve been delighted to hear the sports bickerers praising hard work, love, and respect. So delighted, in fact, that I’m using this space to amplify them in the hopes of accelerating the erosion of the sports world’s aggressive values. Let me propose three New Rules of Sports Legacy, based on recent sports news.

New Rule of Sports Legacy #1: Whatever you do will be inconsequential, but it is very important that you do it.

Quoting Gandhi, this new rule rejects the notion that greatness only happens on big stages. Even as the NBA and NHL prepared to deliver another year’s worth of legacy-ensuring rings, the sports bickerers devoted the better part of a week to granting “all-time great” status to a conspicuously ringless athlete: Ken Griffey, Jr. “Junior,” who retired from baseball this week, was one of the best power hitters of his generation, and perhaps the only one never to be suspected of steroid abuse. His 21-year career never took him to the World Series, but neither did it take him to Congress where so many of my other childhood idols testified (read: shamefully lied) about their prolonged steroid use (read: cheating). Griffey was famous for other reasons: for combining homerun power with athletic fielding, yes, but also for his infectious smile and for being a dedicated son and father. In the record of baseball’s “big games,” Ken Griffey, Jr. may indeed be inconsequential. But I was delighted that the sports bickerers defined legacy with his workman’s smile this week.

New Rule of Sports Legacy #2: Love is the most powerful four-letter word.

No, this rule doesn’t quote a Hallmark card. It quotes former UCLA basketball coach John Wooden, who passed away this week after more than a half-century of inspirational leadership as a player, coach, and teacher. By all means, Wooden’s 10 NCAA championship rings could have prompted the sports bickerers to speak of his legacy in terms of athletic domination and invulnerability. The first Old Rule alone assures him a tremendous legacy. Yet the vast majority of commentary failed even to mention Wooden’s win-loss record, let alone his string of championships. Instead, athletes, commentators and family members alike honored a man who lived a life of faith, love, and a commitment to teaching. Too young to remember Wooden as an active coach myself, I was struck at how irrelevant his on-court achievements seemed in comparison to his philosophy of teamwork and morality as the foundations of “the pyramid of success.” In stark comparison to the current milieu wherein college coaches’ greatness is measured by their ability to recruit one-year-and-done individual stars, Wooden’s sterling example consists of team-building, faith, and love above all. Indeed the story of Wooden’s vast love for his wife Nell superseded any stories of championship games in this week of widespread remembrance. And how fresh did that story feel, in the wake of the Tiger Woods fiasco and other headline athlete infidelities!

New Rule of Sports Legacy #3: Violence does not equal strength.

Finally, this third New Rule quotes the core principle of the Family Violence Prevention Fund’s “Coaching Boys Into Men” program. The program helps youth sports coaches to integrate messages of respect and non-violence towards women into their weekly practice routine, recognizing the particular influence that coaches have on the lives of boys. I am lucky to have assisted the International Center for Research on Women and FVPF in adapting the program for cricket coaches in India; at present the program also forms the basis for the “My Game is Fair Play” booklets distributed at the FIFA World Cup in South Africa. All adaptations of the project highlight “teachable moments” that help coaches and athletes to recognize opportunities both on and off the field to reaffirm their commitment to respect and nonaggression. One “teachable moment” involves a famous athlete being publicly accused of sexual assault. The program recommends that coaches use this as an opportunity to spread the message that athletic talent is no excuse to assault or disrespect anyone, and that “no means no.” While the news of Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger’s second sexual assault allegation was extremely disheartening, I noted for perhaps the first time that the sports media too recognized this as a “teachable moment.” Rather than assessing the consequences for the Steelers’ playoff hopes if Roethlisberger were suspended, the bickerers spoke of “entitlement run amok,” “excessive arrogance,” and “repulsive behavior.” These responses would seem less remarkable, to be sure, if they came from a source that didn’t regularly praise athletes’ “swagger.” But thoughtful pieces like Jack McCallum’s article in the May 10^th Sports Illustrated represent small steps (this is, after all, the magazine of the swimsuit issue) towards a sports commentary that not only respects women but also debases hyper-aggressive manhood.

None of us are likely to become “all time great” athletes. The only rings with which to measure our greatness will be those under our eyes after sleepless nights with the baby. But we will be arbiters of legacy, whether as sports fans, coaches, teachers, fathers, or grandfathers. And the subtle changes I noted in sports commentary this week, while certainly unable to supplant the hyper-masculine sports metanarrative, show that even in unlikely places there are men who value hard work, love, and respect over arrogance and violence. Let us continue to build a world, on and off the sports field, governed by the New Rules.

Coaching Boys Into Men materials are available for free download at www.coaches-corner.org

Another Open Email: Victory and Violence in Sports

Fri, 19 Mar 2010 10:52:00 -0400

Here’s another email I’d like to share, this time one I sent a moment ago to the listserv “Men Against Violence.” The email is pretty self-explanatory.

Dear Men Against Violence,

It was a great day. I fell into tickets to the first round of the NCAA men’s basketball tournament and after an inspiring upset of Georgetown by a much-maligned Ohio University team, I was at the heights of enthusiasm about the inspirational role sports can play in the lives of young men: for the victors, the lifelong lesson that a “bad season” can be transformed in an instant with the right balance of confidence and grace; for the defeated: a renewed motivation to work harder, expect more, excel more.

Having worked with ICRW in India on an adaptation of the Family Violence Prevention Fund’s “Coaching Boys Into Men” program, I am a big believer in the power of sports to shape and reshape what “being a man” means in the eyes of male youth. In Coaching Boys Into Men, youth sports coaches are called on to promote respectful and nonviolent relationships with women. But right in front of my eyes at the tournament were so many other critical, positive lessons about becoming an adult man: perseverance, cooperation, history-is-not-destiny, and more.

So you can imagine my disappointment when I turned on the TV this morning, looking for the inspired faces of young men, and found… another hockey fight.

For any international or casual sports fan readers who aren’t aware, fistfights are a routine part of professional ice hockey in North America. By my limited understanding, each team keeps an “enforcer” on their roster whose role is to retaliate after any of his teammates suffer a particularly aggressive hit during normal gameplay. NHL officials openly support this feedback loop of aggression and assault, and apparently hockey fans’ hunger for fistfights is strong enough to support events such as 2005’s “Battle of the Hockey Enforcers,” where famous players engaged in fistfights on ice with no actual gameplay.

This (admittedly individual) juxtaposition of the victorious and the violent made me wonder whether any of my colleagues on this list were aware of good advocacy materials relating to violence in hockey and/or other sports. Amid the din of ticket sales and commissioners’ staunch support of the violent tradition, I’m sure there is a quiet majority of former players, sports doctors, and fans disgusted by the practice. I hope, anyway.

Given how much good sports can do in the lives of young men (and if basketball isn’t your favorite, then look to ice hockey itself and its magnificent 2010 Olympic tournament, where fighting was strictly prohibited), it is a worthy cause to eliminate the bad they can do.

Thank you for reading, and for being fellow members of the community of sports fans who admire athleticism and integrity over boundless aggression.

An Open Email to Mike and Mike

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 10:39:00 -0400

I sent this email to Mike and Mike after watching the debate this morning about coaches’ responsibility for their players’ academic performances. I was surprised to hear Greeny walking the narrow line that coaches’ responsibility ends with basketball alone, and wanted to urge him to reframe his thinking. In honor of the NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament tip-off today, I thought I’d share the letter and remind everyone of the Coaching Boys Into Men program.

Greeny/Golic/Gottlieb,

What Greeny is really missing in the debate about coaches’ responsibility for players’ academic performance is that coaches have the greatest opportunity to inspire the young men they coach to be as proficient off the court as they are on it. This opportunity that only coaches have is so critical, and its misleading, Greeny, to think of the dynamic only in terms of responsibility and blame.

Does an 18-year-old basketball star trust an academic advisor the way he must trust his coach? Does the academic advisor show up every day to lead and mentor that young star the way his coach does? Does the academic advisor connect to the driving passion of that young man’s life - basketball - the way his coach does? No. And as any coach will tell you, if you feel that your ability and responsibility to influence young men exists only within the bounds of a court and timeclock, you should not be coaching. Nor will you make it very far if you do coach!

Face it, Greeny: If an alien came to earth, it’d wonder why the bearded guy who works 9-5 in the Quad takes responsibility for the basketball player’s grades and not the father-figure by their side day in and day out, on the court and on the bus, from dawn til late night tipoff.

Take it from coaches themselves:

“We teach players that honor and respect are keys to a team playing a game. How can we not teach them that honor and respect are even more important in their lives?” — Tubby Smith

“Coaches are masters of communication. It’s our responsibility to lead, instruct and inspire young athletes.” — Dick Vitale

“In sport and in life values and attitudes are as important to winning as are strength and endurance.” — John Thompson III

“The most important quality I look for in a player is accountability. You’ve got to be accountable for who you are.” — Lenny Wilkens

“We live in a very difficult time for young kids… there are so many things coming at them that it’s important to have good values and to be grounded. Teens need to know what counts and what doesn’t.” — Pat Riley

These quotes are pulled from the “Coaching Boys Into Men” program, created by the Family Violence Prevention Fund. The program incorporates coaches’ incredible influence in the lives of male youth in order to spread a message about respectful, nonviolent relationships with women. Please share, spread the word, and visit www.coaches-corner.org to learn more.

Thanks for reading, Brian

The Shames of Men

Thu, 18 Mar 2010 00:41:22 -0400

For various reasons that don’t make perfect sense, I’ve been reminded lately of a few of my least shining moments as a son. To be fair, I wasn’t violent or criminal on these (or any) occasions, but for whatever reason the following three unsavory performances still carry the sting of shame:

One night when I was 7, I convinced our babysitter to call the movie theater where my parents were seeing Ghost to demand that they come home immediately. I was sick, or pretending to be sick, or at least seeking to prove my wits against an obviously outmatched babysitter. This being before cell phones, she called the theater where surely some teenager with a flashlight called their names into a dark movie hall. And they came home shortchanged on their Swayze. I remember being instantly cured when they arrived, I remember my parents never even questioning my sickness, but I certainly don’t remember seeing that babysitter ever again.
For the entirety of a family vacation to Washington DC in 8th or 9th grade, I was a perfect little shit to my sister. I’m sure that the 12-year-old version of Heather wasn’t a hapless victim through the whole debacle, but I still recall with precise shame the pompous smirk on my face in all the obligatory monument photos, and the deep knowledge that I was knowingly refusing to shape up.
Slightly less egregiously, I convinced my Dad to take me to a pro basketball game on the day before another family vacation - this time sailing the unusually stormy Caribbean - began in Miami. This was during the only year of my life when I was interested in pro basketball (or, at least, in the fantasy league my friends had started), and being in a city with an NBA team was a novelty for a Western Wisconsin kid. This time, the shame comes from knowing (and, indeed, causing) my Dad’s shame, as he paid quite too much for tickets from the first lucky scalper to approach us. He spent the majority of the first half rationalizing the purchase, convincing himself that it was part of “being on vacation” and thus acceptable. Insult to the injury of the extra expense, though, was his failed opportunity to show me that he could natively navigate uncharted sports terrain. I had long known, of course, that my Dad didn’t know everything, but this might have been the first time when he knew he had forfeited this secret.

I’ve tried many times to confess these shortcomings to my parents, but even as my parents laugh them off they remain etched in my psyche. By this point their importance lies more in forecasting my vulnerabilities as a father, I’m sure, vulnerabilities to the tricks, the attitudes, and the wanderlusts of my own children. Maybe there’s something about getting that first good job, the one that prompts Dad to tell me that I have finally paid him back for his decades of personal and financial sacrifice for me, that brings the mind right round to the shames of men.

Whatever the cause for the most recent return of these shames, I suppose I can take comfort in moving away from childhood’s shortsightednesses (if not its clear notes of emotion). But like always, the vulnerabilities - the endless chances to let down those who seek my unwavering right vision - aren’t going anywhere.

"I have often used this blog as a tool to paint a self-portrait of how big of a man I am, which is..."

Tue, 16 Mar 2010 11:31:00 -0400

“I have often used this blog as a tool to paint a self-portrait of how big of a man I am, which is why my sobbing last Tuesday night (my senior night) may have been a surprise to a lot of you. Most people who saw me crying assumed that I was faking and my tears were just another example of my sarcastic personality. On the contrary, my tears were 100% genuine and completely unscripted. My intent was to simply wave to the crowd with a smile on my face after I was introduced. Instead, I couldn’t even hear my introduction because I was sobbing so much… Even though many of you e-mailed me and told me that I need to turn in my “man card”, the fact is that there was no way I could have not cried.””

- Ohio State Men’s Basketball benchwarmer/blogger Mark Titus, in a recent post summarizing his emotional relationship to the success of his blog vis-a-vis his childhood basketball-superstar ambitions. The blog is a guilty pleasure of mine, both because (a) it’s hilarious and (b) Titus perfectly balances the self-admiration and self-deprecation of all men who realize they’re not heroes but must nonetheless convince themselves that they are. I’m not sure he’d take comfort in being a champion of progressive masculinity, and frankly he’s probably not one. Nonetheless, in this post (“No Crying Shame”) he defends his teary public vulnerability on Senior Night against the contestation of his manhood by his frat-dude readership. Much appreciated, Shark.

Songs of American Manhood, as interpreted by bri xy. First...

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:33:00 -0500

Songs of American Manhood, as interpreted by bri xy. First installment: Erie Canal. Have a listen!

"Anderson did not enter the Army acknowledging his own sexuality. Ironically, it was the..."

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 11:49:00 -0500

““Anderson did not enter the Army acknowledging his own sexuality. Ironically, it was the military’s emphasis on integrity that gave Anderson the self-confidence to accept who he really was. Those same values became his undoing. He sought to uphold the principles instilled in him, and as a result, became increasingly aware of the lie he lived… Anderson’s experience turned him against broader American policy, especially in Iraq. ‘I was naïve. I fought for the freedom of others while my own country denied me basic rights. The whole system is unjust,’ he states.””

- Fellow Fletcherite Sasha Suderow writing about the US military’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy. The policy, which entrenches a hypocritical and self-defeating form of military masculinization, is under new scrutiny as President Obama, Secretary of Defense Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Mullen all support overturning it.

Woman named HS football coach: This is "Parivartan" at a whole new level!

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 10:17:00 -0500

Woman named HS football coach: This is "Parivartan" at a whole new level!:

With the launch of the Parivartan / “Coaching Boys Into Men” program in mind, this piece of news reminds us how far we have to go in fully realizing the dream of transforming male youth sports into teaching grounds for gender-equal and respectful relationships. Congrats to Natalie Randolph and all women players/coaches in traditionally male sports!

"Winning a match is important for a coach but a big part of the job is helping to develop a solid,..."

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 10:00:00 -0500

““Winning a match is important for a coach but a big part of the job is helping to develop a solid, responsible young player who is able to become an upstanding citizen. Parivartan will use India’s most popular sport to teach boys how to be respectful towards women and, in turn, help reduce violence against women.””

- Cricket legend Sachin Tendulkar said this, in his public endorsement of the ICRW/FVPF/MSSA/Apnalaya project I worked on this summer. It’s thrilling to hear one of the world’s foremost sportsmen support the idea of using sport as a way to teach respectful gender relations. Thrilling.

NYT: Will the triangulated crisis map be regarded as the new first draft of history?

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:49:21 -0500

NYT: Will the triangulated crisis map be regarded as the new first draft of history?:

Thanks to Patrick Meier for tweeting this link. Once again, my classmates and colleagues at the Fletcher School are being acknowledged for the important work they’ve done in establishing the crowd-sourced crisis map as a vital tool in peacebuilding, humanitarian response, election monitoring, and more.

"The recession has hit hardest the most macho trades, such as building and manufacturing. Two-thirds..."

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 09:31:00 -0500

““The recession has hit hardest the most macho trades, such as building and manufacturing. Two-thirds of jobs destroyed since it began belonged to blue-collar men… Those who can no longer provide for their families feel emasculated. Those who still have jobs fear losing them… ‘I don’t like the way they’re giving away all that money,’ says Steve Roberts, a welder in Arkansas. ‘I think you should work for your money.’””

- from the Lexington article “Angry White Men” in the Economist (3-6). Seems that blue-collar men are both stuck and complicit in their stuckness. It’s telling that the guy with a job says ‘I think you should work for your money,’ despite the obvious fact that similar work is disappearing around the country. In addition to being an opportunity for women to take over a greater share of the workforce and subvert traditionally masculine “provider” roles, the recession is also an opportunity for employed, macho men to boost their own social prestige vis-a-vis their newly unemployed, emasculated counterparts. Men are not uniformly empowered, the recession shows again.

Whose Blood Is Thicker Than Salt Water?

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 14:53:00 -0500

I just got back from a lunch lecture at Harvard titled, “Is Salt Water Thicker Than Blood? Allah’s Bonbibi and the Making of Kin in Deltaic Bengal.” The presenter shared fascinating information from over a decade of studying fishing communities in the Sundarbans, the huge tidal forest at the mouth of the Ganges and Brahmaputra rivers.

Residents of the Sundarbans, it seems, have formed “elected kinship” relationships with fellow members of their social class, regardless of religion or profession but based on a shared subaltern (read other-than-some-real-or-perceived-outside-elite-class) identity. The most fascinating bit: this extended kinship includes the man-eating tigers in the region.

Thus families extend themselves ritually, knowing that extended social networks are critical in times of crisis. This extension even welcomes tigers, whom the residents call, “our tigers” or “our big cats,” not wanting to summon them by pronouncing their name.

Interesting, but incomplete. I asked her a couple of the obvious gender analytical questions behind this phenomenon and she had dismissive anecdotal answers at best. I was frustrated, but not surprised, that in her decade-plus of intensive research she never wondered:

What family role does the tiger assume? Is it male or female, young or old, by blood or in-law?
Who proposes and negotiates for new elected kinship relationships? Men? Women? Children? (All along she said “people” or “fishers”, to which I asked, “When you say ‘people,’ do you mean ‘men’?”)
Whose interest does the extending of kinship relationships serve? Women’s? Men’s? Particular agrarian communities (fishers, gatherers, cultivators)?

Dear readers, please take note any time the actions and motivations of men are tantamount to “social trends” worthy of academic papers while the actions and motivations of women are only tossed around as quaint anecdotes.

"We find that the Congolese woman is living in a prolonged terror and is a victim of violence in many..."

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 11:16:22 -0500

““We find that the Congolese woman is living in a prolonged terror and is a victim of violence in many forms, that is why we urge all men to mark the day when women present their claims to fairness, observe a day of reflection, meditation and Prayers for our daughters, sisters, mothers and wives who continue to suffer the most shameful abuse and cruelty that had ever known to humankind.””

- Newly-formed “Congo Men’s Network” on the occasion of International Women’s Day 2010 (March 10). Thanks to Steven Botkin of Men’s Resources International for sharing. Read the entire press release here. The gaffes in grammar are just testament to the group’s sincerity, in my view. A great development.

Manhood and Rock & Roll

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:44:00 -0500

My blender, my bicycle and my guitar all held on just long enough for me to get a job. Almost the instant that I received a job offer earlier this week, all three broke. The blender launched broken plastic across the kitchen, the bicycle’s pedal shaft snapped, and the guitar sprouted a brutal crack below the bridge. But thanks to the precious sliver of manhood I gained thanks to this job and its concomitant salary and benefits, I could now, of course, afford to fix these items. Or at least to provide myself with new ones. Like a man.

It was exhilarating, the male rites opening up before me now that I had secured employment and income for myself. Suddenly provision, protection, fatherhood, and even marriage all seemed infinitely more doable. My dad even bestowed on me some long-withheld approval, assuring me that I had now (by becoming fully economically independent) adequately thanked him for his fatherly sacrifices over the last 27 years.

Man, it was good to be (almost) a man. Good enough to celebrate with a rock and roll show. Good enough to treat myself to Jet at the Paradise Lounge last night, and maybe even a beer while I was at it. I loved Jet back in 2005 or so. I still know most of the words to their album “Get Born,” a piece of loud pop near-perfection, and I thought that shouting them along with the crowd might acknowledge the passing of boyhood in some superficial but visceral way.

But god damn it. The minute Nic Cester walked on the stage, leered at the screaming crowd and held his cherry red Gibson ES-335 over the adoring fingers in the front row, I knew that I had got it all wrong. Here was a man leading men onstage. This man had the dream job, the scream-your-songs-and-be-applauded job, not to mention the power to sculpt mass adrenaline. The power was majestic, and the digger thrived in it.

Duly humbled, I still had a great time. I could tell that the band members still loved what they did, worked hard at it, and had authentic fun on stage. In honor of Boston they even played a lick of Dirty Water in the encore. It was perfect. Perfect because it was such a characteristically manly way to celebrate, and perfect because it so characteristically reminded me that even among men, there is a man.

This is by far my favorite video from the summer in India, but...

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:09:00 -0500

This is by far my favorite video from the summer in India, but somehow on Vimeo it always gets hidden at the bottom. I wanted to draw it into sharper focus here.

Surfing the web with nothing but brainwaves

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 16:07:00 -0500

Surfing the web with nothing but brainwaves:

Forget “jacking in” a la Neuromancer, now scientists say we will surf the net with nothing but our thoughts. Time will tell, but a lot of the component technological pieces seem to exist already. In other words, hold off on the new desktop computer, people.